Ten Things Noah Puckerman Said
by Dreaming of Words
Summary: -that really affected Rachel Berry- Rachel Berry grew up with Noah Puckerman as her best friend, but when high school came, everything changed. Now, she just doesn't understand why the things that he says affect her so much, especially when they aren't friends anymore. Puckleberry. Season 1. Starts canon, then turns AU


_Hey everybody! It's Kay here, with a different story altogether. I know it's been a really long time since I last updated, and I know that I promised to put up a new chapter of **Need You ****Now**_**, **_but I recently rediscovered this story and could not help but rework it a bit. I was so happy with it when I finished that I just had to put it up here. I hope you enjoy it. This is set in Season 1 of Glee and is mostly cannon in the beginning, then splinters off into Puckleberry AU land. It's quite late where I am and I'm tired, so without further ado, here is _**_Ten Things Noah Puckerman Said (That Really Affected Rachel Berry)._**

Ten Things Noah Puckerman Said (That Really Affected Rachel Berry)

**001**

The first day of sophomore year was the first time Noah Puckerman called me a freak. I remember him walking toward me, how his muscles writhed beneath his tight black t-shirt, how his hazel eyes glowed with an ever-present spark, how a roguish smirk adorned his rose-pink lips. His arm muscles flexed a bit and I swooned a little, following the flow of muscle down to his hands, which stopped me cold. Perched like a red sentinel, a Jumbo slushee cup was stationed tall and menacing in his large callused hand.

My heart plummeted to my stomach as he approached, slowing to a stop just before my locker. He stood before me, sneering at me, waiting for me to cower away from him like all his other victims were wont to do. But I refused, staring straight into his eyes unflinchingly. His beautiful hazel eyes narrowed and I felt my hands begin to shake. Those were not the eyes of the Noah that I grew up with. These were not the eyes of my little neighbor who cried as he realized his dad was not returning to him. Those were not the eyes of my once best friend. These were the eyes of a jock, a bully, and a self-proclaimed badass, devoid of all emotion and above all guilt.

Sweat slid down my palms as I clenched them, trying to mask the shaking that was getting stronger the longer he stared at me. I felt his loathing as if it were ice gliding down my spine, making me shiver. I blinked and the spark in his eyes turned to a raging fire. With barely any warning, he showered me with orange-crème flavored slushee, maliciously sneering, "**Freak**," as he turned and walked away from me, dismissing me as if I was truly the Nothing the rest of the school considered me to be. And even though I'd been doused in slushees many times before, for some reason, coupled with the humiliating label, I could feel my stone heart crack a little bit.

**002**

After being called a freak by the whole student body for a little under a month and slushee facials at least once or twice a week, I saw him walking toward me with a familiar red Jumbo slushee cup in hand. Instead of cringing into the lockers like my body clearly wanted to and like the student body clearly expected, I turned towards him once again, squaring my shoulders and setting my mouth in a grim line. I met his eyes and hazel met chocolate just as he threw the blue raspberry slushee on me.

The sticky blue ice clouded my vision and I curled in on myself, unwilling to fight against the stinging drink. I felt more than saw him stop by my shoulder and his pause was more than enough to set me on edge. Heat flushed my cheeks, whether from the cold drink or his proximity, I couldn't say. Regardless, I straightened up as much as I could and tensed my shoulders, waiting for his painful parting shot. I imagined that same hateful fire in his eyes as he murmured, venom dripping from his mouth like a hungry viper's, "**Loser**." And he walked away, leaving me alone to clean myself of the slushee, to find something suitable to wear, and to try and stave off the inevitable flood of tears that always followed a brutal slushee attack by him.

Try to explain it though I might, I could not come up with a suitable conclusion as to why Noah Puckerman's words affected me so harshly. It wasn't like we were friends. Once upon a time we were, but that all changed with puberty and the trauma of his father leaving. Instead of pondering it as the blue slushee stained my clothes even further, I plastered a shaky smile in place and tried to escape the pack of hyenas in the hallway with what was left of my pride intact. I fled to the bathroom to change and hopefully get some of the slushee out of my hair and clothing, and to try to fix the ever widening crack in my heart, courtesy of one Noah Puckerman.

**003**

Wednesday nights after dance were my video nights. It had become tradition for me to post a MySpace video of me singing in the vain hope that some big shot from Broadway or Los Angeles would see the enormous talent that I clearly possessed and would come to Lima to swoop me up and into the life I had dreamed of all my life. Even though I knew that I would be famous one day, I wouldn't object if someone saw me and wanted to make that inevitability happen sooner.

As such, I had just uploaded another video of myself singing 'I'm Not That Girl' from Wicked, my go to shower musical, when I heard the ping of a new notification. Well, it was the ping of a notification that was from someone other than a spiteful and vindictive Cheerio or a Neanderthal jock. I had chosen a special notification tone for when they decided to spit their poison at me through comments so I could ignore them and delete them. But this was a different tone, one that promised relief from the bashing the Cheerios and jocks doled out. With a small smile on my face, I scrolled down to the newest notification and felt my throat tighten. It read, "**You'll never make it there. You know, Broadway? You should just stop trying**."

I felt like I had been punched in the gut, all the air leaving my lungs in one fell swoop. Tears distorted my vision and dripped down my cheeks, leaving burning trails of pain and sadness behind them. Sobs began to shake my frame as I hastily typed a reply saying, "Maybe so. But it's my dream and I'm going to chase it all the way to New York City. I won't be stuck here; I won't become a Lima-loser." And I signed off, shutting down my computer and turning off the lights. I clutched my pillow tightly to me, letting my tears soak the pillowcase. I didn't need a special notification tone to know who that was. That horrible, painful comment could only be from Noah Puckerman. And my heart started to bleed a little from between the cracks he had made.

**004**

All I can remember thinking was, 'Why me?' Quinn, Santana, and Britney had decided to join Glee, along with the one badass who took delight in making my life a living hell, Noah Puckerman. I couldn't understand why Mr. Schue allowed them to infiltrate our club my club. It was my one safe haven in this absolutely brutish school, the one place where I could be myself and let out all my emotions without fear of scorn or reproach. And Mr. Schue killed that for me by allowing them all to join.

As I entered the room for our first rehearsal all together, I felt my heart slamming into my ribs at an alarming pace, choking the breath out of my lungs and setting my mind awhirl. I felt my stomach turn at the sight of the Unholy Trinity seated in the spots usually taken by myself, Tina, and Mercedes. I scanned the room, carefully avoiding the burning gaze of my tormentor, sliding past the doe-eyed look of Finn, to find Tina, Mercedes and Artie seated in the corner furthest away from the infiltrators. A small smile leapt to my lips as I realized our original club members had saved a seat for me, so I sank into it gratefully and turned my eyes to Mr. Schue who wore a frown on his normally smiling face. I could sense the wheels whirling in his head quickly, trying to resolve the separation he saw that was so evident between the Originals and the unwanted Infiltrators, Finn excluded.

Suddenly, Mr. Schue's whole visage brightened and I felt fear drop like a stone in my stomach. I had a horrible feeling that his idea would make my life even worse. With a smile in his eyes, Mr. Schue decided to split us into pairs for duets and I felt my heart stutter to a stop. I knew who I would get and without waiting to hear Mr. Schue's whole speech, I dropped my head into my hands and tried to fight back the tears I felt springing to my eyes. And just as expected, in a misguided attempt at making my life easier, Mr. Schue paired me with the one person I so wished to avoid.

At the teacher's signal to start working, I stood up quickly and walked over to Noah, shoulders back and chin up, showing no fear though inside I was a shivering mess, and stated clearly, "We should meet in the gym at 3:15 sharp to start practicing on our duet piece. I was thinking something along the lines of Beyonce's 'If I Were a Boy' or possibly 'Imagine' by John Lennon…" Well, I started babbling. I couldn't help it! I was nervous with his dark eyes on me. But my babbling abruptly stopped when he slapped a hand over my mouth.

Shocked, I stayed silent as he leaned in toward my face menacingly. I tried to swallow the lump that was forming in my throat, but failed miserably under his intense scrutiny. "Do you ever shut up?" he asked quietly, anger reverberating in his words. I shook my head quickly, hoping to diffuse the tension that was pressing in on me and he sighed. "**Let me tell you something: You make me want to light myself on fire**," he stated, very matter-of-fact. I felt my eyes widen in my head and my thoughts stutter to a complete stop, unable to think of anything to say to his blunt confession. Satisfied with my silence, he released his hand over my mouth, a smirk twisting his lips. "Now that we have that straightened out, I think that our best bet would be 'Imagine' by John Lennon," he continued, lounging back as he slung an arm over the back of his chair.

I looked at him dumbly, still trying to process the sudden mood swing before I shook my head quickly to rid myself of the shock. I hesitantly nodded and pulled out two copies of sheet music for 'Imagine.'

"Okay," I said, and we began.

**005**

Much had happened between that point and now. Glee Club seemed to change him. I don't know how it managed to do it where many other women, girls, teachers, and administrators had failed, but I most definitely was not complaining. Over time, I was able to stop my immediate, fearful response at his every approach, and I began to let go of the pain that he had caused me. He mellowed out a lot more, stopping the slushee attacks on the Glee kids and defending us against all the jocks. And somewhere between that point and now, we had begun dating.

I still don't really know how it happened, but I can say that I am happy that we gave this a shot. He is kind, respectful of boundaries, and gentle with me, something that I thought he had lost as he grew older. I saw more of my Noah return to him every day that we were together. But as is its wont, tragedy strikes when everything in my life seems to be going well. Coach Tanaka had issued an ultimatum to his football players that were also in Glee. They had to choose between the two; he would no longer excuse them early for glee practice or allow them to miss a practice at all.

As I glanced over at Noah, and took in the hard line of his jaw, worry began to gnaw at me. I was really nervous that he would choose football over Glee. And me. I really was worried that he would choose football over me. I know our relationship hadn't been real for that long, but I thought the time we spent together meant something to him. My teeth worried my bottom lip as I sat in the choir room, eyes transfixed on the ticking clock.

As the minute hand struck 3:30, Matt Rutherford and Mike Chang walked in the choir room as if it were no big deal. Mike was quickly caught up in a bear hug from Britney as Santana approached and timidly hugged Matt. I smiled a bit as a rare smile lit up Santana's face. It was hardly a declaration of love for Matt, nor was it a vision that Santana would suddenly change, but it was a start in the right direction.

As the second hand ticked on, Quinn just looked around with dark eyes, her expression flitting between lost and pissed as her boyfriend continued to remain absent. And I didn't really care. It amazed me how I really wasn't all that worried about Finn and was much more about my own boyfriend. I guess that it wasn't really love at all, what I had with Finn, and the realization lifted a heavy weight from my shoulders.

Unable to look at the clock any longer, I studied my fingernails, trying to suppress the urge I had to begin biting them, which is completely unsanitary and not something I have ever indulged in. But I was spared the temptation as Noah shuffled in, his gaze immediately locking with mine. I shot out of my seat and into his strong arms, embracing him with all of my strength. "Are you sure?" I whispered, and he pulled away with a small, private smile, one that he only ever showed his mother, sister, and now me. "**Bring it**," he challenged and I felt my mouth split into a wide grin as I buried my face in his chest.

**006**

The day after Coach Tanaka's ultimatum, he and I were standing in front of my locker. We weren't talking about anything important, just enjoying our time together. His fingers traced up and down my closest arm and I retrieved my books from my locker, when I heard the hallway go silent. Fear gripped me and I froze, one book partially out of my locker. His fingers stilled and I could feel his questioning look burning into the side of my face. I replaced the book slowly and shut my locker quietly, allowing my hair to curtain my face. Noah tugged on my wrist and turned me to face him, his brow furrowed in confusion. Just as his lips parted to ask me what was wrong, the captain of the hockey team suddenly tossed a slushee. I squeezed my eyes shut, hearing the slushee leaved the cup and waited for it to hit me.

When I heard spluttering next to me, I opened my eyes in shock as I realized that the slushee wasn't meant for me; it was meant for Noah. I stood by, completely mortified, as the slushee started dripping down his face and onto his shirt, leaving small red pathways like spattered blood. Still shocked, it was almost all I could manage to tug his hand gently and murmur, "Follow me. I'll get you cleaned up."

He followed me into the bathroom silently and put up no resistance when I pushed him down to sit and tilted his head back into the sink. I cleaned his face of the sticky redness as best I could and proceeded to clean it out of his Mohawk silently, the dripping of water from the tap the only noise in the abandoned bathroom. When I was finished, we sat in silence for a while, and I was unwilling to break the silence and make the experience real for him. I stroked his arm from my perch on his lap, much like he was doing to mine this morning, when the haze in his eyes cleared. He looked up at me suddenly and confessed, "**I'm sorry. No one deserves that, especially not you**. I just smiled softly, leaning back against the sink, not stopping the caress of my fingers, and replied, "You were a different person then. I forgave you." He mirrored my small smile and his grip tightened on my hips in thanks.

We continued to sit there until the bell rang, signaling the beginning of class. Even then, we didn't speak. He simply stood up and offered me his arm, taking me to the library. It was the first time I had ever skipped class, and I couldn't bring myself to care as I looked over at the boy who sat across from me. His shoulders slumped and gaze broken, I couldn't leave him, not then. Not even for the sake of my perfect attendance record.

**007**

It wasn't fair at all. I really liked Noah, could see starting something with him, something really good; something better than I could ever hope to have with Finn. But I saw the looks he gave her, could read into the concern he had for her health and for the baby. It was plain to see that Noah was in love with Quinn, even if she kept rebuffing him. And it was also plain to see that Noah was the real father of her baby, not Finn. I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner. Everything started making sense: the timing of his involvement in Glee, the looks he always shot the blond girl, the huge concern he had for her well-being…

I felt so stupid to think that he would ever want me. And it wasn't fair to him to keep him in this relationship if he really wanted Quinn. I wasn't that selfish that I would deny him the chance to be with the mother of his child. But it hurt, so badly, that I was second to her again. The blond Head Cheerleader, the Chastity Queen, the most popular girl at school that everyone wanted to be or be with… she would always beat out the short Jewish girl with a big nose, big voice, and big dreams to match.

I went to where he sat on the bleachers and sat just below him, following his gaze out to the football field where practice was going on. After a few moments of silence, I spoke softly but I knew that he would hear me. "I don't think that we can keep doing this," I said. He looked up at me sharply but stayed silent, his dark eyes trying to guess my next words. "It's not fair to either of us to be together when we both want other people," I lied through my teeth, trying to push him away from me, trying to push him towards Quinn. "I want Finn, and you want Quinn, and there's no reason for us to be together other than fantasizing about the people we love." I continued as I felt my heart break again, all the stitches Noah had placed so carefully bursting at the seams. I felt blood seep out like the tears I wished I could shed.

I watched numbly as his eyes sparked and anger filled them. "That's okay," he said. "I was going to break up with you anyway.

"No you weren't," I caught him in his own lie. "But I hope that we can still be friends." His eyes snapped back to me from gazing over the football field. "**We were never friends before**," he stated coldly, ice practically hanging off every word. I sighed in defeat and left him on the bleachers, feeling my heart split all the way down the center.

**008**

It was our last qualifying competition before Nationals and I was extremely nervous, which is definitely not a normal occurrence. But it could definitely be explained by the presence of my dad and daddy in the audience. Contrary to what everyone believed, my fathers hardly ever came to watch me sing. They were always so busy with work, or too far away at a business conference to come.

And I could never work up the courage to ask them to stay and watch me or to help me with a song, not that I needed it, I really just wanted them to stay and to hear me sing for a while. I didn't want them to think that their perfect little girl was selfish, but I would ask and would hope all the same. All I ever got was a pat on the head or a kiss on the cheek and a distracted, "Next time I'll help, Star, next time."

I could hardly fathom that they had taken time out of their schedules to come watch me. I was so excited that they would finally hear me sing, but I was so scared at the prospect of messing up what might be the only time they came to watch me. I was so distracted by the butterflies swirling in my stomach that I was missing cues and notes in practice that I would never have missed on any other occasion. Mr. Schue's words of encouragement only served to make the butterflies in my stomach flutter around even more wildly and a hug from Finn didn't help stop them either. If anything it made them worse, forcing me to remember that they all were depending on me, on my voice. It was too much.

I staggered away from where the rest of the group was sitting, dropping my head into my hands and trying to breathe deeply and evenly. It did nothing to calm the frantic beating of my heart or to help me regain control over myself again. Absorbed as I was, I didn't notice his approach until two fingers slid beneath my chin and lifted it up to meet his gaze. My frenzied chocolate eyes looked into his calm green ones steadily and I felt my heartbeat begin to slow. He placed his hands on my shoulders lightly and leaned in, never breaking our gaze as he spoke softly just to me. "**You are going to be great, as always. And about what I said before? You'll make it, don't worry**."

I gave him a watery smile placed my small hand on top of his much larger one. I don't know how, but he knew exactly what to say to me to calm me down. And I couldn't help but be thankful for it."Thank you, Noah," I whispered. He gave my shoulder a small squeeze before straightening up and turning back to the group. I stood up shortly after, full of new confidence and a calm that I had desperately needed, his words reinforcing my belief in myself as I rejoined the group.

We walked onstage and stood in our opening places, and as the lights burned brightly above us, I put everything I had into our performance. I made all my cues, hit all my notes perfectly, and when it came to my solo, I had never performed it better than I did that night. While he and I performed our duet, I couldn't help but notice the proud smirk resting on his lips and I felt the corners of my mouth twist up in response.

When we took home the First Place trophy for our efforts, I jumped into his arms, a huge smile on my face as I found my dads in the audience. They had never looked prouder of me than they did in that moment and I felt my heart swell in pride. But it grew to bursting when Noah hugged me close and whispered, "What did I tell you?" in my ear. And I realized that even though my fathers' pride meant the world to me, Noah's pride meant the sun, the moon, the stars, the entire universe to me, more than my fathers' pride ever could.

**009**

Even though we won our last qualifying competition before Nationals, it meant nothing to the student body at McKinley and the Monday after our win was just like any other day. I was walking down the hall, a huge grin not leaving my face and wearing my new cashmere sweater that my dads had given me as a present. Unfortunately, I did not see the captain of the hockey team coming with a Jumbo slushee cup in hand until the sticky purple substance was seeping into my eyes and dying my beautiful new cashmere sweater a mottled purple.

The shock must have shown on my face, because the guffaws of the Neanderthals seemed to jump a few decibels and the assorted student body around them joined in their pleasure. I felt the familiar sting of tears in my eyes as I turned around quickly, trying to block my face from the wolves all waiting for the sight of my tears. With shaking fingers, I opened my locker and retrieved my extra set of clothes, shutting the door behind me smoothly as I kept my gaze on the ground. The Neanderthals seemed to tire of waiting and I heard their raucous laughter fading as they walked away from the mess they made of me. I turned and walked straight into the girl's bathroom before the tears could fall and embarrass me further.

I splashed cold water onto my face, willing the stinging behind my eyes to dissipate and the slushee to stop running down my neck. I heard the door open and I snapped up from my previous broken down position. My red rimmed eyes caught smoldering hazel in the mirror as Noah let the door shut behind him. He stepped closer to me, completely ignoring the fact that I was in a girl's bathroom and simply stared at me through the mirror. I turned around, my eyes once again finding his as he stopped right in front of me.

He pushed a strand of damp now slushee-free hair behind my ear as he seemed to assess the damage. His fingertips trailed down my jaw and slid down my neck to my ruined sweater. He fingered the purple stains there for a while, thoughts whirring around in his head. Suddenly, he shrugged out of his letterman jacket and let it fall to the floor, kicking it out of his way. He then proceeded to take off his shirt and I clamped my eyes shut, a hot blush coming to my cheeks as I remembered all the times that chiseled chest was pressed against mine and our tongues battled for dominance. I turned my face from him, eyes closed and lost in memories until his deep voice pulled me back to reality, calling my name.

"Rachel," he called, his low baritone voice sending a shudder down my spine. I opened my eyes to see his proffered flannel shirt, himself only clad in a white-beater. "Just take it, Rach. It's not like you have another option," he murmured, averting his eyes. I did have another option, I had a whole other outfit I could wear, but his gesture made my abused heart do somersaults in my chest so I decided to conveniently forget that I had a shirt in the bag with the jeans I had brought in the event of a slushee attack.

With a grateful smile and a heart pounding so fast that I'm surprised he couldn't hear it, I took the flannel shirt from him and discarded my ruined cashmere sweater, slipping his shirt on over my, thankfully, unstained bra. It dwarfed my petite frame, but I did up all the buttons quickly and efficiently before pulling the jeans out of my bag. I shimmied them up my legs and zipped them, closing the button with a blush burning my cheeks.

I knelt and picked up his letterman jacket before walking to him and placing a hand on his cheek. His eyes popped open and his face turned back to mine, simply waiting. "Thank you," I murmured before leaving a small kiss where my hand was. My lips burned from the contact with his skin, but I managed return his letterman jacket and then proceed to walk past him when he suddenly caught my wrist. I stopped cold, his touch making my wrist tingle and burn. "**You know, I'd protect you from that if you wanted me to**," he blurted out.

Without turning around, I whispered, "I know."

I pulled my wrist away gently and left him alone in the bathroom.

**010**

I currently lie in bed, sleepless, staring up at my shadowed ceiling. I couldn't get Noah Puckerman out of my head. I had once thought that Finn was the one for me; my knight in shining armor, my one true love, the Tony to my Maria. But then I met Noah, the real him, the one that reminded me so much of the little boy I used to play with, the one that he seldom showed to anyone, and suddenly my daydreams had hazel eyes and a Mohawk instead of blue eyes and a full head of hair.

Noah was the exact opposite of everything I once thought was perfect, a proverbial knight in rusted armor, but somehow, my image of perfection had changed to fit him, and it seemed that all my other perceptions of perfection up till then had been woefully mistaken. He was perfect in every way, and I was a fool for pushing him away when I had him. I should have been selfish in love, for once in my life, and held onto him as tightly as I could. I love him, so much that I felt it in every fiber of my being. I only wished that he felt the same way. I know that he loves Quinn, not me.

I turned onto my side and saw the shining numbers of my alarm clock illuminating the darkness, a blinding 3:16 A.M. blinking up at me. A heavy sigh escaped me as I dragged a hand over my face. It wasn't fair that I was plagued every night with visions of him when he probably didn't see me as anything other than his ex-girlfriend, the girl who wouldn't let him touch her boobs.

I was pulled out of my wallowing viciously as something hit my window. Confused on what could be hitting my window at… 3:17 A.M., I quickly moved to it and peered out through the crack in the drapes. To my surprise, I saw Noah standing on my lawn, something clenched in his fist and throwing what appeared to be pebbles at my bedroom window. My heart stuttered a bit at the romance, even if it was unintentional, and I yanked back the drapes and opened the window as quietly as I could.

"What are you doing?" I hissed at him. "It's past three in the morning. What can you possibly have to say to me at this hour that provokes you to toss pebbles at my window?"

I heard his laugh filter up to me as he replied, "Jesus, Rach, it's like 3:20 in the morning and you still sound like you swallowed a dictionary."

I bristled a bit and snapped out in a hushed tone, "Did you come only to insult me, or is there another reason for this…" I floundered for the right words, my superior language skills failing me as my heart pounded against my ribs.

"Chill out, Rach, I didn't mean to insult you. Just come down for a minute, please," he pleaded.

I was considering remaining in my room… who am I kidding, I was definitely going down there. I lifted my body out the window and stepped onto the trellis beneath my windowsill. I know, horribly cliché, but I scampered down the trellis anyway and landed before him. I looked up into his eyes and said, "Now that you've got me out here, what is it you'd like to say?"

I swear I saw his face darken in a blush, but it just could have been a cloud passing over the moon. "Well Rach, I…I, um…" he stuttered, seeming unsure of what to say. I placed my hand on his arm lightly, my fingers sparking at the contact, and laughter colored my voice as I admonished, "Just spit it out, Noah!"

He grabbed my hand in his and my heart fluttered at the contact. He stared deeply into my eyes, his hazel eyes black in the moonlight, almost as if he was trying to stare straight into my soul. "**I love you, Rachel Berry. I love all of you, every day, all the time**," he confessed and I felt my heart momentarily stop beating before picking up again at a quicker rhythm than I've ever experienced before.

A gigantic grin spread over my face from ear to ear as I leaned up and pressed my lips to his. His hands encircled my waist as mine locked around his neck, playing with the hair there. "And I love you, Noah Puckerman. More than you could know," I responded, and he captured my lips once again in a passionate kiss that left me speechless. It was a perfect first kiss for us, in the darkness of the early morning, the moon bearing witness to our reunion. I could not have asked for anything better.

Of all the things that Noah Puckerman said, "I love you," was the one that affected me the most. And I couldn't be happier.


End file.
